My Diary

Love Goddess Venus might have gone for her beauty vacation somewhere out of the Earth so lots of couples around me have love relationship issue.

A high school friend of mine called from Hong Kong last weekend, his voice sounded a bit upset with a dull tone. He asked that what’s the worse situation of being rejected by a girl that you love? I thought of a bit, then answered reject you face to face, directly down you down. He shaked his head, said "The worse situation is that you’ve known the status of her love relationship perspective, and found out that you have zero chance to get accepted." Oh yes, how would that be? He paused a bit, then looked at me "Your conscience mind firmly tells you not to go and ask her for engagement, since you’ll get rejected for sure. However, your subconscience mind always gives you fake hope, and emotionally drives you to ask where there might be a hint of chance." This feeling is most sore and unbearable, even though he knew the answer is negative, but his desire still gave hope to him since he still have the constant feeling to her.

I continued "How would you know so sure that you would get rejection?". He said it with a firm voice, as if I could even imagine that he tried to make a strong eye contact to me, "She has a soulmate in her heart for a couple of years already, but they haven’t been together all the way, I just recently knew." I suspected "Why?". He said "That gentleman has a stable girlfriend for long" I surprised that "The one you love is a girl with good personality in relationship situation, she’s die-heart to that gentleman. Do you know any reason she is attracted to that gentleman?" He shaked his head again "Not at all, I don’t know that gentleman, how could I know? For surely there are some qualities that the girl cherishes from him, so she’s attracted to him" We paused a bit.

"What would you do next?", said I. "Exactly nothing I can do, and I’m tired of doing anything. I finally realized it’s only a single-sided feeling to her, she has no feeling to me at all." he puncuated for a while, continued "I’m a serious guy to the one I have feeling to." Paused… "I just can’t walk away freely even after i know the rejection, I’m not like the other guys just test chase her and gone without any painful feeling. The reality tells me that I should like other guys, let go her easily, maybe that’s smart or will be happier. However, my emotion holds me back. Feeling is blind as well."

He and I kept silent on the phone for a while again. Meanwhile I’m thinking…haha.. maybe two people can trigger the spark and start getting together, not only rely on Goddes of Love, but also on Goddess of Destiny……

People believe that fairytale stories exist no more in this world now, have they ever existed before? Yes, very long time ago and it has become a legend. Maybe it’s even far before the time when human exists.

The Garden of Eden. It’s truely a world of fairytale, where everything within this garden is perfect without any tiny fault.

God creates it to show glory and powerness of himself, where he settles Adam and Eve inside this gorgeous garden. At that time, love between Adam and Eve was perfect as well, they just purely loved each other. Later on, they were expelled from the garden since they were lured by devil and broke the commandments of what God assigned, this story is almost heard by everyone and I’m not going into detail. Was Garden of Eden still perfect after human had fallen into the sin? I can tell you it was still a perfect garden, but just Adam and Eve had lost the authority to live inside anymore. They got expelled, and the entrances of The Garden of Eden were guarded by Fire of Heaven. From that time no human was allowed to enter The Garden of Eden, and it eventually vanished from the reality.

Despite world of fairytale is no more exist in reality, its existence is transformed to other form, which is kept in every person’s heart. Because it lost its physical form, world of fairytale can be very different in different people. And only the person of itself can access to its own world of fairytale, unless s/he allows others to get in.

Do you know the most painful feeling is? It’s not the one you love doesn’t open the door of her world of fairytale and let you join in. It’s that she keeps the door shut, but allow your world of fairytale partially overlap with her. By overlapping, this creates an illusion that you are allowed to merge with her. But no, it’s just purely an illusion. Overlapping & merging is two totally different situations, overlapping is a skin depth understandings of each other, but merging is where two people understand the deepest inner needs and requirements of each other, that creates unconditionally love. The person can allow many overlappings with her/his of world of fairytale, but there’s only one will be allowed to merge, only one. We can name this as man of the destiny.

I’ve experienced this painful experience recently by myself. Once I thought I was close to her and had chance to merge her world of fairytale, later on I truely realized what I did is the skin depth overlapping only. Her door is tough and heavy as iron cast door that keeps away others that try to approach her. Her world of fairytale is occupied by only her destiny that I don’t know. It’s not easy for me to turn back this illusion to cruel reality, despite I have to learn how to leave her world of fairytale and let go of it. My retraction is not because I failed to merge and just left without any feeling, in contrarcy, I’m so pain and sorrow that I can’t accept it for this instant moment that I’ve got to retract myself and calm my emotions.

Change. It takes you effort from within. This effort can be regarded as the motivated energy needed to take the action. According to Encarta online dictionary, Enthaply is a thermodynamic property equal to the sum of the internal energy of a system and the product of tis pressure and volume. The spontaneous process of falling water is that it gives out kinetic energy while changing position from a higher energy potential place to a lower energy potential place. But how to reverse the process? Lever up the waer through a pipe using a electrical pumping mechanism, maybe. Water won’t just go up by itself without you do something on it. Its "laziness" prevents it from changing. To acheive accomplisement, not only a goal should be defined, but also needs implementation. Implementation needs gust and effort to go by. People always yell, "I’ll do changes". However they found themselves trapped in the threadmill after a couple of months or so. Why? Simple, they don’t take any action, they don’t give time and take effort, they don’t have gust to change. Guys, change needs energy. Success won’t come to you if you don’t take effort to overcome the barriers on the journey. Just like water won’t go up by itself if you just wish it to do. In my opinion, people who are just so easily tell others to change but they are not willing to change themselves are all losers. Take action now!

All physcial matters in the Universe obey the principle of spontaneousness, including human beings. Entropy, according to Encarta online dictionary, a measure of the disorder that exists in a system. In other words, a measurement of efficiency out from this system. The more random or driftness the system, the more "laziness" from within, the less efficiency the system will produce. This applies to all forms of living or non-living groups such as individuals, families, to as large as societies or even countries. Each person is born with a certain level of laziness or what’s called "inertia" in our mind, as well as physical body. It’s the unwillingness to change the current situation when get used to it. If we want changes, goals must be set first followed by take action. Set goals is the entry to anti-dose laziness, it’s the greatest enemy of laziness. It enables your mind to concentrate, then your brain cells will be alerted to start organize all the information that need to reach the goal. Organization overrides driftness, meaning less disorder or entropy we possessed. Of course taking action is the next important step, but without realizing how much entropy stays inside yourself and set goals to counter it. You will never get excited and just follow the path of spontaneous principle of the Universe in the rest of the life. Set your goals!

There exits no one-person’s fault, it always involves at least two people or up. Elaborating from this statement, we may also conclude that there’s no defined line of whose fault, it’s just an act of wrongdoing generated from mutually wrong expectation, especially in the case of relationhip. You can never tangle yourself without a partner! The similiar analogy in Chinese old saying is that a sound never be made with only one key. Therefore, before blaming others, first ponder the level of morality you possessed in the circumstance. Or apply another perspective, you might gradually realize the idea of false or not is merely separated by a hairline. These days I’ve heard an interesting topic, a friend of mine is confused by a situation. She said "It’s so unreasonable for a guy to break up with a girl just because the girl has been treating him so nice" Well, generally people may blame the false solely to this guy for not knowing cherish of this girl. But, there exists another view. This guy felt a tremendous pressure from her action, realizing he might be incapable of returning the equal amount of favour, eventually felt like taking it for granted and sense of guilty created. To escape from the existing pressure, he decided to breakup with her. See how different the situation now when you are willing to step out one more inch to listen the true reason behind that guy. So who’s fault? Both or none eh?

One verse just popped up in my mind, "Your tongue is a powerful weapon!" It could be very constructive, yet very dreadful when use improperly. People receive and then react to what you’ve spoken to them in daily life, whereas to choose the right words acording to conditions & people is the key. One of the Jesus preachings said that "What is come out from your mouth, is what resides in your soul". The meaning is that words is a media for the expression of your own thought. Yet, there would be some chances that inaccurate wordings leads to misintrepretation by your audience, well, that’s a pity situation. Nevertheless, this misunderstanding caused by false intrepretation is counted on you, not the audience. The bad situation enhanced when the audience intreprets in a destructive way, s/he might take your words and keep into mind forever. Hence, watch out when you speak! Moreover, generally girls take words more emotionally; thus pay more attention when speak to girls or they would get hurts just because you present yourself inaccurately. Guys are, in general, more logical, they probably won’t take words just based on perception. However, that doesn’t mean you could speak carelessly to guys. Especially, girls might think guys should have more capacity to bear the harsh wordings, just because they are guys! Take responsibiliy of your words, and if you can’t think the right words to present, silence is the gold! Guys can forgive the harsh wordings from girls, but it does not necessary mean they can unconditionally be accepting it and be asked to forget what they’ve heard.

Disappointment. Fail to do or be equal to what is hoped for or expected, quoted from Oxford Advanced Learner’s English-Chinese Dictionary. If there were no expectation, disappointment wouldn’t have come. Thus disappointment is the negative consequence of losing expectation. Every individual would have a certain level of expectation from someone that you trust in life. The more expectation put on that person, the more trust you have it in him/her. They are usually the people that you are familiar to, like family members, close friends or lovers etc. You will never put any expectation on a stranger eh? Unfortunately the cruel fact is that the more you expect, the more disappointment you deserve, after the truth has revealed  that contradicts to what you embedded in the mind. It might be caused by only a tiny thing such as a short speech that reflects emotionally or subjectively the perspective of the original host, given that without much knowing the solid evidents or proofs. And simultaneously the audience expected s/he would have deployed a logical way to analyse prior to giving any opinion, disappointment had resulted.